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by maiden_aunt (SCFrankles)



Category: Dear Ladies
Genre: Community: fan_flashworks, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:06:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCFrankles/pseuds/maiden_aunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evadne is not at home when Hilda phones on her weekend away.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Challenge 146: Voice](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com/627180.html) at [Fan Flashworks](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com/) on LJ.
> 
> Hinge and Bracket were created by Patrick Fyffe and George Logan. _Dear Ladies_ was written by Fyffe and Logan, and Gyles Brandreth, and produced by the BBC.
> 
> * * *

_#Stackton 295! Afraid we’re not at home! Please leave your name and number when you hear the tone!#_

“Hello, Evadne? It’s me, dear. I was just phoning to say I arrived safely yesterday and I’m having a lovely time. But I suppose you mustn’t be back yet… It’s such a shame you had to go to that council meeting and couldn’t come on this little weekend away—the countryside is gorgeous! Did you get my picture postcard yet? I sent it immediately after I arrived. And the B&B is splendid. That’s where I’m phoning from—my room at the B&B.

“Anyway, I’ve had a delicious lunch, and I thought I might go for a little walk. Perhaps I’ll speak to you later. Bye, dear!”

 

_#Stackton 295! Afraid we’re not at home! Please leave your name and number when you hear the tone!#_

“Are you still not back? They’re certainly working you hard, aren’t they, dear?

“I’m having such a delightful walk. The weather is perfect… the scenery is perfect… the birds are singing... I was just thinking: “What a pity Evadne isn’t here. I’m sure she’d enjoy this.” And then I saw this phone box and thought: “Why not phone her, and let her share at least some of it?” So you look at your postcard, dear; I’ll open the door of the phone box and you can listen to the birdsong—get the whole experience. Hold on a moment…

“If you can just wait, dear— It seems to be a bit stiff—

“Let me just—

“Evadne. 

“I can’t get the door to open again. I really am stuck. Oh, Evadne! What am I going to do? Now stay calm, Hilda. Think. Yes, of course! Evadne? I’m going to hang up now—I’ve got to phone the—”

 

_#Stackton 295! Afraid we’re not at home! Please leave your name and number when you hear the tone!#_

“Me again, dear. Sorry to end the last call so abruptly. I was in a hurry to dial 999, you see. You’ll be pleased to know that I am no longer trapped. A very nice young constable came and released me. 

“And then arrested me.

“It seems I perfectly match the photofit of a serial shoplifter. But they’ve allowed me to phone you and—

“Yes, officer?

“I’m sorry, dear—I’ve got to go. They’re taking me off for questioning.”

 

_#Stackton 295! Afraid we’re not at home! Please leave your name and number when you hear the tone!#_

“It’s all right! They’ve finally released me! They acknowledged their mistake—said I couldn’t possibly be the shoplifter. Well, I didn’t have the handlebar moustache, of course… 

“I’m phoning from the phone box near to the B&B—Evadne, it’s all locked up! At only half past nine! I can’t seem to raise anyone to let me in, and all my money is still in the room. I’m looking at the place right now. It’s in complete darkness. Where can the owners have gone? Maybe if I… 

“Hang on. Hang on one jolly minute—I believe hope is in sight. There’s a side window open. I think I probably will be just able to get through it… Yes, yes! I’m going to give it a go.

“Speak to you once I’m inside!”

 

_#Stackton 295! Afraid we’re not at home! Please leave your name and number when you hear the tone!#_

“Hello...Evadne..?

“I’m afraid I’m calling from the police station once more. I’ve... been arrested again. This time for breaking and entering. They’re talking about detaining me overnight until the B&B’s owners can vouch for me.

“Oh, Evadne! Please come down by the next train. Come and be a character witness! Tell them about my good works! The meals on wheels! The hospital visiting! Being kind to pensioners! They needn’t know the pensioner was you!

“Evadne! _Please!”_

 

 

Evadne unlocked the front door of Utopia Limited and went wearily inside.

“Well, that was a complete waste of time,” she muttered to herself. “There’s only so much one can take of Teddy Tranter talking sewage.” 

She stooped to collect the second post off the mat.

“All those hours and I don’t think we’re any further on with sorting out the drains.”

As she entered the living room, she glanced across at the red light blinking on the answering machine and sighed. 

“And I’m sure _that_ can wait till tomorrow. I need some peace and quiet.”

She sat down heavily on the settee and flicked through the post until she came to a picture postcard. She turned it over and read the inscription aloud.

_“Having a most exciting time. Wish you were here! Hilda.”_

Evadne rolled her eyes and tossed the postcard aside.

“Some people,” she said, “have _all_ the luck.”


End file.
